Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
