sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
