i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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