I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize