If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
