It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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