Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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