I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
