so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
