Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
