Capitaan dildo arrescate!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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