Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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