I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
