i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
