I've blown a few things in my day
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
