I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
