Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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