We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
