Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
