some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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