I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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