Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
