omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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