So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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