i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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