Ambien. No doubt about it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize