I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
