ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i think i just lost a toe
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
