Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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