Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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