Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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