Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
