is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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