As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
