Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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