You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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