Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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