If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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