You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
