I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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