I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
