There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
