Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
