how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
