I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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