Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
