I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hippo gnu deer
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize