No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
