do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
