It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize