Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
