You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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