Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
