Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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