I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
