Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
