my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
