Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
