Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
