He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
