seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
