i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
