im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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