Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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