WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
