In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
