How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
