Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
