i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
